


I Need You to Need Me

by linlinoona



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, Ong is a papa bear, a wee bit of angst, a whole ton of fluff, bcs panwink like to mess with us
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 04:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16866220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linlinoona/pseuds/linlinoona
Summary: Guanlin is stressed out over his apparent lack of natural talent. Add on Jihoon's blatant ignoring and dismissal of him, the Taiwanese boy is close to breaking down. What happened to them? What was once a beautiful, flourishing friendship, is now replaced by tension and awkward silences. Will Jihoon snap out of it before Guanlin drowns in his pool of self-doubt and insecurities?





	I Need You to Need Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! So this is my first work for this fandom as well as for this site. I've been a Wannable and a Guanlin stan since produce 101 but only now do I feel compelled to write a fic about them. We all seem to forget that Guanlin was 15 when he joined the show. That's hella young. Guanlin may seem dramatic in this fic BUT I remember when I was his age, I went through mood swings, temper tantrums, screaming matches. So I wrote this fic where I imagined Guanlin going through the same pubertal hell because he's a young human kid too. Please do excuse mistakes as I do not have a beta reader, and mostly wrote this at night while I'm half conscious LOL. Enjoy!

It started with the small gestures; flinching away from his hugs when he used to let the maknae cling to him whenever he wanted, avoiding eye contact whenever they talk and even protesting whenever the maknae wanted to hold his hand now. Guanlin was perplexed at this sudden change of behavior. He reasoned that it could be because he himself had been too clingy to Jihoon and it was just a way of the older boy expressing his discomfort; Jihoon hates skinship after all. However, the mysterious physical withdrawal soon lead to bigger, more obvious actions. Jihoon no longer sat next to Guanlin be it on the couch in their dorm, or in the company’s van. He also has stopped making a conversation with Guanlin. If the younger boy initiates a talk, Jihoon would look disinterested and only half heartedly listened to him. As a teenage boy dealing with confusing scenarios and emotions, Guanlin could only come to one, worst possible conclusion: Jihoon hated him.

 

This discovery, along with the pressure of preparing for the group’s comeback , has lead to Guanlin moping in his room after long days of practicing. It proved to be quite difficult for the 17 year old to learn the new choreography which only lead to frustrations of the choreographer and, as much as they tried to hide it, the other members as well. Guanlin felt his face burn in embarrassment when he tripped over his own feet for the nth time and the hyungs could only sigh. Once they were back at the dorm, Guanlin strode straight to his room and collapsed on his bed, desperately wanting to forget the entire ordeal in the practice room. He was already up to his ears in stress for trying to figure out the reason why his favourite hyung, his _idol that he had looked up to since Produce 101,_ hated him to such an extent that he actively avoided the younger boy. He didn’t need his own incompetence in basic dancing skills to be added to the heavy weight on his shoulders. Thus, said younger boy was found huddled underneath the safety of his covers, absentmindedly scrolling through twitter to keep his mind off the issue. The hot topic amongst wannables that day seemed to be about Jihoon, unsurprisingly, but as Guanlin continued scrolling through the tags, he felt sick to his stomach.

 

_2park couple is so sweet! Jihoon said he always wants to be with Woojin!_

 

_I swear, Jihoon and Woojin are soulmates. Can they just marry?_

 

_The way Jihoon hugged Jinyoung OMG I love them so much_

 

The tag was filled with pictures of Jihoon being sweet and caring towards the other members, especially towards Woojin. He got it, honestly. Those two were the same age thus were bound to be closer to each other than to others but Jihoon just acted so differently towards the maknae. Guanlin recalled back at an event where he had clung onto the older boy and tried to talk to him but Jihoon had blatantly ignored him, didn’t even bother to glance at him as he speak. Those memories made Guanlin both angry and sad simultaneously. Angry at himself for being so desperate for one’s attention and making a fool out of himself in front of everyone; sad because it was glaringly obvious that his favourite hyung did not reciprocate the feeling.

 

With a swipe of his finger, Guanlin closed the app and decided this time to read the news. There were several articles related to Wanna One’s comeback date so he clicked on them, desperately trying to quell the rising distress in his chest. Later on, Guanlin will lament back on why he had read the comments when the hyungs had repeatedly warned him against doing so, but as he read on, each word on the screen felt like a punch to his stomach. 

 

_Ah seriously, can this guy just go back to China? He has no loyalty at all. Companies should stop taking in these ungrateful brats._

 

_He’s so talentless; can’t dance, can’t rap. The group won’t miss him kkk_

 

_Let’s be honest here, he only got into wanna one because of his face._

 

Guanlin tossed his phone carelessly onto the bed and curled up deeper underneath the covers. His throat was closing up and his eyes were pricking with telltale sign of incoming tears that he quickly blinked away. Guanlin suddenly missed Jihoon _so much._ The older boy used to be his shoulder to cry on, his sense of security in this harsh industry. He has never felt so weak and alone than this moment, drowning in doubts and insecurity with no one to turn to. A knock on his door startled him out his spiralling thoughts. Guanlin quickly cleared the lump that had formed in his throat.

 

“Yeah?” He called out.

 

“Guanlin, Jisung-hyung bought dinner. Let’s eat together,” Seongwoo’s muffled voice came through the door.

 

The boy pulled the covers over his head, blocking him out. “I’m not hungry, hyung! Eat without me.”

 

“This is the fifth time this week that you’re skipping dinner. I’m coming in!” Seongwoo warned a split second before he barged into the room. He took one glance at the big lump in the middle of the bed and sighed.

 

“Guanlin, what’s going on? Why are you avoiding us?” 

 

The younger boy popped his head out of the safety of his covers to smile at Seongwoo. He internally cringed at how pathetic and lame that attempt was.

 

“I’m fine, hyung. I’m just really not hungry,” he replied. “And I’m not avoiding you, don’t worry.”

 

Seongwoo sat on the edge of the bed, glaring at the younger boy. “Don’t you think you can lie to me, young man. I’m calling Minhyun.”

 

“No, don’t call him-!” Guanlin protested, shooting up on his bed, but it was too late. The dark-haired man had all but shouted for the world to hear.

 

“Minhyun, come in here! We need to talk with Guanlin!” 

 

Guanlin groaned out loud and flopped onto his back. A few seconds later, rushed footsteps were heard before the tall, brown haired man appeared in his room. 

 

“What happened? Why is Guanlin angry?”

 

The younger boy ignored the worried and anxious looks of Minhyun by turning onto his side, gazing at the blank wall. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he mumbled. 

 

Guanlin felt the bed shifting behind him before warm hands were placed on his shoulder. He allowed them to turn him around. 

 

“Guanlin, don’t be like this, please tell us what’s bothering you. We’re all so worried for you, and you were so out of it at practice today.”

  
  
Minhyun’s calm voice had effectively washed away his anger and softened his resolve. Guanlin glanced at Minhyun, saw the worry and love reflected in his eyes, and felt his walls crumbled. He averted his gaze and took a deep breath.

 

“I think,” Guanlin started, his voice trembling the slightest. “I think that Jihoon hyung hates me.”

 

Minhyun and Seongwoo frowned in confusion at the admission. “Now why would you ever think that, Guanlin? Jihoon adores you.” 

 

Guanlin scoffed at Seongwoo. “Please hyung, it’s obvious to everyone including me, that Jihoon hyung has been avoiding me like I’ve got an infectious disease. There’s no need to sugarcoat things.”

 

Minhyun's eyebrows shot up at the boy’s bitter tone. “You can’t just jump to conclusion like that, Guanlin. You have to talk to Jihoon-”

 

“That’s the thing!” Guanlin yelled angrily, tossing away the covers and jumping to his feet. “How am I supposed to talk to him when he runs away whenever I come near? I’m just tired of pretending like everything’s okay when they’re clearly not!”

 

Seongwoo tried to grab his hand but Guanlin snatched it away before he could. He immediately felt bad at the hurt that flashed through Seongwoo’s eyes but he was still overcome with anger. At this point, Guanlin wasn’t even sure if he was angry about Jihoon’s blunt disregard of his feelings, angry at his own self for being so bad at everything he does, or both.

 

“Guanlin, I know you’re stressed over this comeback and over Jihoon but blowing up like this, isn’t the way it should be handled.”

  
  
He turned away from Seongwoo’s gaze and stared out of the window, looking at the starless night sky. “What’s the point anyway,” Guanlin muttered. “I'm useless and talentless. Maybe that’s why Jihoon hyung hates me.”

 

Strong hands spun him around so abruptly that Guanlin’s teeth clashed against one another as Minhyun’s fierce eyes fell upon his own. 

 

“Don’t you ever say that about yourself. You know those hate comments aren’t true!” 

 

Anger flared up within Guanlin once more. He was sick of this. He was sick of everyone ignoring the elephant in the room. He broke away from Minhyun’s hold and scowled at him. 

 

“Stop babying me! You know it’s true! I’ve been nothing but a burden to everyone ever since I joined this group.” Snapped Guanlin, tears clouding his vision. “Everyone is flourishing and receiving love calls while me? I’m stuck in this dorm, watching drama reruns because nobody wants me, not even Jihoon hyung. It’s pathetic.” His lip started trembling and he hated it. He hated himself for being so weak.

 

The room suddenly felt too small, the air too stifling. Guanlin was choking, he couldn’t breathe. His hands went up to his eyes to furiously rub away the traitorous tears that fell. He felt arms tugging him into an embrace but it was too much for the young boy. He needed to breathe. He needed…home.

 

“I need some air,” Guanlin choked out before rushing out of his room. He barely heard the voices of Minhyun and Seongwoo calling after him over the racing beat of his own heart. Bursting out of the apartment, the young 17 year old boy raced down the hall and into the bitter cold night.

 

 

 ~o0o~

 

 

Seongwoo dashed across the living room, calling out for the youngest member of their group. 

 

“Guanlin wait! Come back! Where are you going?!” 

 

He started for the door but a hand held his arm and pulled him back. He snapped his head towards Minhyun, eyes filled with concern and distress. 

 

“Let him be alone for the time being,” Minhyun said calmly. “Guanlin needs some time for himself.”

 

“But it’s 9 pm and he didn’t even bring a coat with him!” He protested.

 

Minhyun patted Seongwoo’s shoulder and smiled at him. “He’ll come back when he’s ready. The more we push him, the more he will pull away from us.” 

 

At Seongwoo’s silence, Minhyun continued, “When he comes back, we’ll all sit down and talk about this. Guanlin has been letting criticism and stress get the best of him, I think.”

 

Seongwoo groaned and rested his forehead on the taller man’s shoulder. Where did everything go wrong? He thought sadly. Never had he thought that Guanlin would be so affected by hate comments. What a foolish thing to assume that a young teenage boy like Guanlin would just brush away the hate without sustaining any damage to his self esteem. Perhaps it was due to his mature appearance and supposedly calm demeanour that the members forgot that he was _really young_ and has insecurities like any boy of his age. Seongwoo sighed again, causing Minhyun to pat his back reassuringly. 

 

_Beep, beep, beep._

 

The sound of the apartment’s password being keyed in made heads turn towards the door, in hopes that the object of their concern had somehow returned. Instead of seeing the tall lanky teenager however, a small blond boy stepped in through the cracks of the door. Said boy’s brows furrowed upon seeing them.

 

“Uh hyung? Is everything okay?” Asked Jihoon hesitantly. “I just passed by Guanlin running out of here.”

 

Seongwoo’s eyes narrowed at the sight of the boy shuffling his feet in front of him. Perhaps now was a good time to set things straight, he determined. With that in mind, Seongwoo grabbed Jihoon’s arm, much to the boy’s surprise, and dragged him to the dining table.

 

“Sit. We need to talk,” he ordered. Jihoon was hesitant to do so but seeing the fire in Seongwoo’s eyes and the way Minhyun crossed his arms defensively in front his chest, Jihoon had no choice but to comply and sat down.

 

“Um, did something happen-“

 

“This needs to stop Park Jihoon.”

 

The younger boy frowned in confusion at the sudden words of Seongwoo. “What needs to stop? I don’t understand, hyung.”

  
  
Seongwoo placed his palms on the table and leaned closer. The normally calm boy looked very much unsettled by the sudden turn of events.

 

“This whole passive aggressive act you’re putting on towards Guanlin,” he accused. “You think he won’t notice? You think  _we_ won't notice? That poor boy is blaming himself because of you!” 

 

Jihoon’s eyes widened upon realizing the situation that got Seongwoo all riled up before he quickly averted his gaze, his expression turning stone cold.

 

“This is the stupidest thing you could do, Jihoon,” Seongwoo continued. “That boy has been idolising you since the moment he laid eyes on you at Paju. He practically worships the ground that you walk on. Can you imagine how he feels when you suddenly give him the cold shoulder like this?”

 

Jihoon kept silent and refused to meet his eyes. The only indication that he had heard Seongwoo at all was the twitching muscles of his jaw as he ground his teeth together. 

 

“Say something!” Shouted the older man. 

 

Seongwoo couldn’t help it; he knew Jihoon wasn’t the only one to be blamed in this fiasco, but the fact that he had played an active role at causing distress to Guanlin made his blood boil. 

 

Sighing at the quickly escalating situation, Minhyun pulled Seongwoo back by the shoulders.

 

“That’s enough Seongwoo, there’s no need to yell at Jihoon.” He looked at the blond boy who’s ears were turning scarlet. “Whatever problem that he has with Guanlin, they’ll need to settle it themselves.”

 

Seongwoo pulled away with a huff. “Fine, whatever. I’m going to wait up for Guanlin; you better stay awake too.”

 

Minhyun rolled his eyes and steered them towards the couch, away from Jihoon. Neither of them noticed as the boy shot to his feet and slipped out of the apartment.

 

 

~o0o~

 

 

The cold night air burned at his lungs as he gasped for breath. His legs were cramping and fingers losing sensation all at once but despite all of this, Guanlin never slowed down. He needed this. He needed to feel the physical pain to distract himself from the emotional pain welling up in his chest. So his legs pushed on and he kept running. He didn’t stop, not until the world around him blurred from unshed tears, not until his legs were trembling and lungs lit on fire.

 

Guanlin doubled over, palms on knees, panting and coughing for dear life. He was close to vomiting his stomach out. After a few minutes of catching his breath, Guanlin gained enough strength to lift his head up and check his surroundings for once. From a distance, he could make out a faint view of a set of swings and a slide. He apparently had run to a park although there was none anywhere near the dorm. He had absolutely no idea how far he had run nor where he was at currently but Guanlin didn’t mind any of that. He wanted this; to be away from the prying eyes of the members. He didn’t want them to witness his breakdown.

 

On shaky legs, Guanlin straightened up and made his way slowly towards the swing he had spotted. His knees were threatening to give out at any moment; tired from the unexpected sprint, or exhaustion from bottling up his emotions, Guanlin didn't know. The park was dark, with only one lamp illuminating the pathway, the swing area basked in the shadows of the night. Guanlin sat down gingerly, the swing rocking gently from his weight. He sighed heavily, breath coming out in a fog. The cold air was starting to bite into him through his hoodie and he could feel his nose turning red. Times like this made him miss the mild weather back in Taiwan.

 

Taiwan. _Home._

 

Guanlin pulled out his phone from his pocket. Ignoring the missed calls from Seongwoo and Jisung, he opened his contacts and searched for the one name that will never fail to make him feel better. His finger hovered over the call button, suddenly reluctant to show his weakness _again._ He refused to be a baby who cries every time there was a problem but then again, tonight was different. Tonight, he genuinely wanted to drop everything and take the next flight home. He pressed dial.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Mom,” Guanlin whimpered, “I want to go home.”

 

There was silence from the other line for a brief second, with nothing but the sound of Guanlin’s gut-wrenching sobs, before the gentle voice of his mother spoke up.

 

“Guanlin, my sweet boy, what happened? This isn’t just homesickness, is it?”

 

Wiping at his eyes and nose with his sleeve, Guanlin sniffled and swallowed against the choking sensation to answer. “I don’t think I belong here. Everyone hates me.”

 

“Now why would you say that?” His mom asked. “You’re loved by so many people around the world.”

 

His breath stuttered and caught in his chest. “I’m just a pretty face that’s useless to them. I can't even do anything right.”

 

“Guanlin ah, listen to mom okay,” her soft voice like calming waves enveloping him. “You are a talented, brave, hardworking boy. This has been your dream since you were small, remember? You wanted to be on stage and perform to the crowd.”

 

Of course Guanlin remembered. He used to listen to famous as well as underground rappers as a kid and he’d always dreamed of performing like them on stage. He wanted to write lyrics and produce songs for the people. He wanted to entertain and shine until he had all but begged his dad to let him move to Korea. But now Guanlin was starting to doubt his own decision. Was it a poor choice made by a starry-eyed child?

 

As if sensing his thoughts, Guanlin’s mother continued on. “In every journey towards success, you’ll encounter roadblocks and challenges but as your mother, I’m more than confident to say that you can go through this, Guanlin. You’ve been nothing but brave and determined this whole time. I believe in you, we all believe in you.”

 

Guanlin let out another sob at his mother’s words and covered his eyes with his sleeve in a vain attempt to stop the tears. The sound of his sniffling and sobbing echoed in the lonely night. His family believes in him, wasn’t that the only thing that mattered? In this cruel world where people turn their backs on each other, family is all one could ask for. 

 

“I really miss you, dad and jiejie,” Guanlin said hoarsely. “I miss home so much.”

 

“Oh sweetheart, it’ll be okay. You’re coming back home for new year’s remember? Until then, you work hard, be strong and most importantly believe in yourself. Me, dad and Jiejie always think about you and support you from home. We miss you too.”

 

Guanlin took a deep breath and calmed himself down, scrubbing away the traces of tears from his face.

 

“Thanks, mom. I guess I got a bit upset over internet comments.”

 

He heard his mom scoffed. “Those people don’t know what they’re talking about, sweetheart, they don’t know _you_. Let them think what they want, we don’t live to please them. Listen to your gege and don’t take those comments to heart, okay? ”

 

The words of his mother made a ghost of a smile appear but it dropped as soon as he was reminded by another troubling matter; Jihoon’s apparent hatred for him. He could try to ignore hateful internet comments but it was impossible to brush off your own member’s apparent dislike of you. Guanlin’s chest felt constricted again. 

 

“Mom, what if,” he started hesitantly. “A gege in the group hates me. What do I do then?”

 

“Nonsense, Guanlin, your gege all love you so much.”

 

“But it’s true. He avoids me all the time and never talks to me anymore.”

 

Once again, silence engulfed the mother and son. Guanlin shifted his phone to the other ear and started rocking the swing slowly. 

 

His mom sighed from the other end. “Sweetheart, I can’t say what’s going on or tell you what to do because I don’t know what happened between you and this gege. But you need to talk to him and see what’s the problem before you jump into conclusions like that, okay? Communication is important.”

 

“Okay, I’ll try to talk to him,” pouted Guanlin. 

 

The duo then proceeded to talk of small and mundane stuff, such as Mimi bringing home a mousethat scared the living hell out of his dad, and how his sister embarrassed herself in front of a cute boy. Laughing along with his mother, Guanlin felt the heavy weight lifting off his chest and the dark ominous thoughts no longer clouding his mind. It was well over an hour before they finally decided to end the call.

 

“Me, dad and Jiejie love you so much, sweetheart. Never forget that, alright? Goodnight, my son.”

  
  
“I love you all too, goodnight,” Guanlin said with a smile before finally hanging up.

 

Letting out a breath, the now happy boy gazed up at the sky. He felt so blessed to have such a supportive family that encouraged him to go out of his comfort zone and try new things. Guanlin looked back on the tantrum he threw just now and felt sheepish towards the hyungs. They definitely didn’t deserve to see that side of him. Once he gets back, Guanlin will make it up to them.

 

With his mind cleared and spirits lifted, Guanlin got back to his feet, ready to face the music back at the dorm. He started but halted his steps immediately when he realised that he had absolutely no idea where he was nor how to get back. 

 

He collapsed onto the swing again. Looking back down to his phone, Guanlin contemplated on calling one of the hyungs to pick him up from here, but he didn’t even know where _here_ is. The adrenaline from running was wearing off and the cold temperature was really starting to affect him. Guanlin started shivering as he looked around, wracking his brain for a solution out of the mess he’d created. 

 

“Guanlin!” 

 

Turning around at the call of his name, the teenager’s mouth dropped open in shock. The owner of the voice was none other than the boy that had been occupying his daily thoughts and haunting his nights. The owner of the voice, sprinting towards him, was of course-

 

“Jihoon hyung,” Guanlin gasped out. He was frozen in place; could do nothing but watch as the lone figure grew closer and closer until Jihoon was all but panting in front of him. 

 

“Guanlin you brat,” he wheezed. “How dare you make me run all the way here to find you.”

 

Guanlin’s fist curled tightly around the chains of the swing. “What are you doing here, hyung?”

 

Jihoon let out a shaky breath, looking at the younger boy in disbelief. “You ran away from the dorm in the middle of the night and you expect people not to search for you?!” His voiced raised. “Do you know how dangerous and stupid that is?”

 

“Why do you even care, hyung?” Guanlin shot back, his anger getting the best of him. “You didn’t care about me all this while. Why tonight?”

 

“G-guanlin ah-“

 

He turned away from the shocked Jihoon and fixed his gaze onto the road opposite the park. Sure, he had all the intention to talk to Jihoon about this problem of theirs but certainly not tonight. Not when Guanlin was already emotionally exhausted. Not when he wasn't ready to forgive just yet. Jihoon suddenly stepped into his view, breaking him out of his thoughts.

 

“Look, Guanlin, I know I have been a-uh a real shit lately,” stuttered Jihoon. “But I swear to you I can explain. It doesn’t excuse what I did but if you just understand—“

 

Guanlin fixed him with a blank stare; the younger boy was torn between ending this one-sided conversation, and pulling Jihoon into his arms to console him. The way the blond boy was fidgeting with his sleeves and gnawing on his lip _almost_ melted Guanlin’s heart. Almost. 

 

Jihoon sighed again, his ears suspiciously turning red which Guanlin suspected had nothing at all to do with the chilly weather. 

 

“This isn’t easy for me to say at all but I’ve been avoiding you because I’ve been…confused,” he mumbled. 

 

Guanlin’s curiosity outweighed the bitterness in him, forcing him to respond to Jihoon’s statement. 

 

“Confused about what?”

 

This time, Jihoon’s whole face flushed scarlet as he twisted his sleeves to the point of stretching it to its seams. 

 

“My feelings for you,” blurted out Jihoon.

 

Guanlin inhaled sharply upon hearing those words. He was now more confused than ever, his mind racing with so many questions. Was this a some sort of confession? Was he dreaming?

 

“What—what are you trying to say?” He voiced out shakily. Wide brown eyes followed as Jihoon took a seat on the empty swing adjacent to him. 

 

“I’m saying that my—feelings for you are changing and I panicked so I did the only thing I thought would fix this; pull away from you. But it didn't help. Not having you near me just distracts me from thinking about you. It didn't stop me from feeling this way.”

 

Guanlin felt heat rising to his cheeks when Jihoon turned his head to meet his eyes. The younger boy quickly looked away, unsure of what to make of the situation. 

 

There was a pregnant pause in which both boys were lost in their own thoughts. Guanlin was in a state of disbelief. All this while he was beating himself up over believing that Jihoon avoided him because Jihoon hated him when in fact, it was the total opposite. Guanlin had muddled through insecurities and ‘what-ifs’ all these months—for what? 

 

“So let me get this straight,” he broke the silence. “You acted like I disgust you because you _liked_ me?”

 

From the corner of his eye, he saw Jihoon winced. “I’ve been stupid, I know,” he admitted sheepishly. “And selfish. I didn’t think how much you would be affected by it. I didn't consider your feelings at all.”

 

Small hands covered his own larger ones. Guanlin snapped his gaze to the older boy. 

 

“Can you forgive me?” 

 

The sincerity, regret and—dare he say it?—love shone in Jihoon’s eyes made his heart thunder in his chest. He swallowed against the knot in his throat and answered the only way he knew how. Guanlin shot to his feet and pulled Jihoon into his arms. 

 

Guanlin heard Jihoon mumbling his name weakly before he felt arms slithering and tightening around his waist. He buried his nose into the blond hair and inhaled deeply. God, how he had missed this, being in Jihoon's comforting embrace. He missed feeling safe and secured. He was also so damn relieved he was not a blithering idiot that caused Jihoon to hate him. _Jihoon_ _didn't hate him._  Much to his dismay, tears welled up in his eyes and started to cascade down his cheeks. Guanlin buried his face deeper to hide them, only to be gently pushed away a few moments later. He kept his eyes closed, ashamed at showing such weakness in front of Jihoon, of all people. They popped open when he felt Jihoon wiping away at the tears with his sleeve. 

 

“Don’t cry, Guanlin.” He frowned. “I’m so sorry, this is all my fault.”

 

The younger boy shook his head and grasped at the hands on his cheeks, pulling them down. “I just really missed you hyung,” Guanlin said in a thick voice. “I thought you hated me and I started to hate myself too.”

 

Jihoon closed his eyes and with gritted teeth, started chanting, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I don’t hate you at all.”

 

Guanlin pulled away from his embrace slowly. “I forgive you hyung but—I don’t know what to feel. I'm so confused. All I know is that I want my friend back.”

 

The blond boy smiled weakly at the maknae. “Tell me where we go from here then, Guanlin” Jihoon said. “I just want to make things right.”

 

Guanlin took in a shuddering breath. Where _do_ they go from here? To be truthful, Guanlin himself was not certain where his own feelings lie. He didn’t know whether the love he feels for the boy in front of him was purely platonic, or something much more. All he knew was that Jihoon made him feel safe and wanted, and he needed Jihoon to remain in his life. Guanlin gazed into Jihoon’s eyes.

 

“I think, hyung,” he started. “We take things slowly and just—see where this goes. That’s all I know what to do.”

 

Jihoon tightened his fingers around Guanlin’s. “I can wait forever for you.”

 

Guanlin smiled at him and with their hands still intertwined, the two young boys hailed a taxi and made their way back to their dorm. They snuck past the slumbering Seongwoo and Minhyun on the couch and bid each other goodnight with blushing cheeks. 

 

Come morning, Guanlin was awaken by the yells of Seongwoo and Jisung who berated him for worrying them. Seongwoo was more offended that Guanlin didn’t bother to wake him up but with a warm hug and a cuddle, he was quickly forgiven. Yes, Seongwoo was _that_ whipped for Guanlin whom he personally declared as his own son. 

 

The members congregated in the living room before breakfast with the sole purpose of showing Guanlin that his insecurities were not true and that he should not heed the internet comments. Guanlin on the other hand, took the opportunity to apologise profusely to the hyungs for last night’s incident before promising them that he would not repeat the same mistake twice. The meeting ended with a group hug that left more than one member crying, much to the amusement of the rest. If the others noticed the shy gazes between the maknae and Jihoon as well as their change in dynamic, they wisely kept silent.

 

Guanlin collapsed on the couch, watching as Jihoon and Woojin teased a sobbing Jisung ("My kids are all grown up!"). His heart was full and after what seemed like ages, Guanlin felt at peace. He didn’t know the future, he didn’t know how his relationship with Jihoon would turn out, he certainly can't predict what will happen once the group ends and they go their separate ways, but there was one thing that he was sure about: his love for Jihoon. Come rain or shine, he would bravely face it with Jihoon by his side, and with the hyungs having his back. 

 

“Guanlin ah, breakfast is ready.”

 

He stared up at the bright sun that is Jihoon smiling down at him. The younger boy reached out towards the warmth and took Jihoon’s offered hand. 

 

Guanlin was home. 

 

 


End file.
